Stop Judgeing me!!!

Yes i am a housewife , yes i live in the four boundaries of house , yes i am jobless right now .But don’t judge me for this , I am a housewife by choice , i live in the boundaries of four walls because they are not mere walls ,those bricks are the building blocks of everlasting relationship , a place which is much more then house , its my lovely home.

I made a choice to leave my career and job for raising  kid . I do not  regret that decision I am not a failure , i dint escaped , i can do multitasking but not at the sake of my kids upbringing . Today ,when i look in the eyes of my 3 yrs old , i am a proud mother . I have given her all the love and care which a day care or maid , or nany could not have given .

I feel content and satisfied ,i have trust in my capabilities,and i will get a good job when i want to and when i need to . And talent doesn’t have an expiry date. I know i am talented . Yes ,  i have a career break ,does that mean i wont give my 100% to job ??  does that  mean i wont be committed to work , does that mean my skills have expired ?does it means that i wont be able to cope up with the competitive world ?? The answer is BIG’ NO ‘ . You cant judge me for a career -break , who gave you the right to judge me ?? Who told you that i wont be committed to work .

Yes , my family is my priority , but that doesn’t means i wont be committed to work . My work is my worship. I work with passion and dedication .

do you understand why i dint worked till now?? because my kid needed that attention , but now my toddler has grown up, she goes to school i have enough time, and peace of mind to concentrate on work .So stop judging me .I am , what i ought to be .  I am , what i wanted to be .

A women can create and destroy , she can achieve much more than a man can do . But only a women can make sacrifices for family and kids .So stop judging them

Stop judging me  if i cry .I cry, because i am strong to face the challenges , i cry to let go the pain , I cry to heal the pain , i cry to rise from the past , I cry for the new beginning .

So stop judging me , let go your  prejudices and see the Real me .

Secret-the sad truth

She was silent ,she was quiet. She was standing in the corner , lifeless .She stood there  like a miniature.I called her again “ANITA “. My voice and words just surpassed her ear. I went and shook her from behind ,she din’t uttered a single word. Her mouth was shut but deepness of her eyes did speak her sadness ,they were yellow , pale and filled with sorrow.
Anita use to be my domestic help some years back.She belonged to a poor family and all the responsibilities of her house was on her shoulders.She was very punctual ,hard working and loyal women. She use to be in her own world and hardly spoke but  always carried a pretty smile on her face. I have known her for years , but hardly knew anything about her family .

Today when i saw her , her  usual smile was missing . She was looking miserable .she was bleeding , her  face was swollen and wounded .She was looking  terrified . I was shocked to see her in this situation .I wanted to know what has happened ,I wanted to know  what was she was going through.? Though she was just my maid but I had a certain attachment to her. Her deep black eyes always imbibe a lot within them. It always made me inquisitive. Today she was hurt badly . I took her inside my house , made her sit ..

I said “Anita  tell me what’s wrong ..who did this to you ??She looked down and remain silent.

I was too worried for her. I had so many  questions but she was mum, she dint answered any .

I took a deep breath ..brought some food ,water ,clothes and first aid for her and gave her some  money for medicine .Looking straight and deep in her eyes i said  “you can tell me Anita .I will help you in the best possible way”
A Tear dropped from her eyes and finally she spoke “didi you have been very nice to me,but this is the truth of my life which I can’t share with anyone. This Secret will go with me in my deathbed.”
She thanked me for everything and went off. I never saw her again. I still wonder what was that secret. Where did she went ,what happened to her.
I knew ,she was going through some misery .I wanted to help her but , I was indeed helpless..

Divide

The first instant thought which flashed across my mind with word divide was ‘Divide and rule’. Indian had a long history associated with divide and rule policy adopted by Britishers to rule India. Since my  childhood i have been hearing of all those stories and that had created a strong impact on my mind.It made me learn one thing that whatever circumstances you face it you are united then no one can beat you and once you are  you are alone ,you stand petite and feeble and a easy prey to anyone who wants to conquer you .

Nowadays we often hear cases of divorce,property division between siblings ,and other issuses which divides the familes and seperates them. And its often seen the outsiders benefit the most from this family diffrences and division. Are we really happy without our loved ones ??just for the same of money and property?? we trust others more than our family but when time comes only our near data ones and family ppl supports us.  If your family and loved onces support you ,and stand by you .you need not fear ,you can win the world.

So don’t leave your fellowbeings ,do not allow anyone to separate you from your loved ones.Stand bythere side.

Fight for them not withthem and never get divided.

Leap!!!

It takes a lot of courage to stand out of crowd ,to do something different and raise your voice.It’s never easy to breakthrough the monotony, Question the existing system,face the challenges Answer the  raised finger and eyes of people ,listen to  heart and do what it tells you to do.

We are strugging within in our mind and heart .This mind and heart conflict had made us week and we tend to listen to our mind leaving the poor heart left aside. Its because we are living with a strange fear. A fear to have  name,fame ,money and a status in socity.We are not  living for ourselves. We are living the way the others want to see us.The way  socity wants us to live.

How many of us would raise our voice if we see miss happings in front of our eyes.Unless it evolves us,or its very crucial for our living we let it go..we don’t brother and let  things as they are.. we are not ready to bring any change.Charity ,selfless helping attitude are all lost words.Modernization has made us too modern and way too similar to machines .We think and behave as one of them .To mechanic ,practical and selfish.

But it’s a high time now. We cant live in four boundries in our own sweet world. We need to live for others .We need to stand togather and fight for our rights ,it’s a time to change the socity,it’s the time to bring a change in ourselves ..

It’s a time for a great leap!!!

Proud and high!!

I m so proud of my daughter.She’s two and half year old ,a super active ,naughty, bubbly and very adorable baby. Though she amuses me every time with some of other thing but today it was not just like any other day. It was the annualday function at kindergarden.

When she came on state for the group dance  performance she was looking absolutely gorgeous and stunning. Dressed on that long Mexican frilled gown.dazzling colours and scarf.White beads necklace and small pretty smile on her face. She looked amazing.

The kids started dancing. It was the first stage performance of all the playgroup kids.Parents looked anxious and exited to see there lil ones in stage.They started dancing .It was a moment to capture. I can’t express my feelings in words.It was heavenly ..it was supreme.The most sweetest thing I have ever seen in my life. Imagine your small 2 yr old kid performing on state  with all that sweet cute little moves on the beats of the song. What can be more beautiful than this. My eyes were num… small tear of happiness dropped.She was dancing so well ..even much better than what I could have danced on stage. Me and my husband and other oatents were cheering them with joy ,happiness and feelings which are beyond expression.

I feel really proud and head high that she’s my daugher.Not just for that dance but for everything ..for every little things she doe.As I said, here my feelings are getting short of words.All I can say is I love her more than my life and can’t thank god enough for making me her mom.

 

Whats more boring !!

With summers popping up .. the days have become all the more boring and monotonous .Same routine , daily chores , heat of the sun .. everything seems so boring. With the boredom pilling up the  fatigue and laziness have outraged.I sleep extra hours , i eat extra calories , i get extra agitated  , irritated  and above all i am getting extra  disgusted and bored .

News flashing the same news .. ekta kapoor showing the same family drams , Movies are no different , same story-line and same screenplay .Television watching was never this boring

Even my wardrobe is not changing .. same dresses , same jwellery .Even Shopping doesn’t interest now  ,No new places , same malls , same shops , no varieties , no colour pattern ..it seems the creativity and imagination are lost somewhere.

Probably i am too  bored to see the brighter side of everything .. probably i need a break , probably i have to find some new stint in myself to see the changes in season , people and everything around !!

Summers!!

Hell with this outset of summer. Who said summer had just began ?  its already on its peak. The sun is bright and shiny the whole day.Even much before i wake up its there ,glowing ,burning ,illuminating with full strength.

This filthy heat is burning out and making me sick .It’s over my  freaking mind. I m not even able  to think. I don’t even feel control over words.. this heat is getting on my nerves. The blood in my veins is rushing  over my head and my face has turned red.I have bound myself in  the 4 walls of an air conditioned room otherwise my whole body will sweat out. 70%of body weight is water and m afraid,  if this heat will sweat out this amount of water  then probably I’ll disappear.

It’s so hot that I don’t think I need an oven to cook. I can probably cook chappies over my burning head.

I even think I don’t need to bake the cake.I can keep it out in sun,and without wasting electricity it will  be ready in few minutes. I also think I don’t need to add salt to my food anymore ,my sweat can probably add that flavor .Yuks .. I know I have stated blabbering out ,but as i said this heat can freak anybody out.And my dear Chennai has some extra kind of being humid ,hot and burning super all day and night and almost every time of the year. Privileged aren’t we? Cooking food seems to be so easy now and it’s gonna be super easy in coming months when the sun will show its extremities.

Summers ,i did like you some years back when you came  just for few months the year .when summers meant vacations . When summers could  change my wardrobe ,all cottons ,shorts,sleeveless can be worn out, the season to show off the style. To enjoy the long days,and sleep for small nights.Drink lots of juices ,play in water and dips in pool. But now ,I hate you..You stay for long .you have become so harsh and inhuman . I sweat all day ,I wait the day to finish ,so that at least night would be  little cooler. But you are wrapping the cooler nights also and making them so pale humid and hot alike you .I hate you for being so cruel . Please understand there are poor people and animals without shelter ,they can’t bear your hostility. Cool it down a little.Relax a little .so that we don’t hate you and welcome you as we do with other season’s . You are a season .Stay for a small session,for a small season. Don’t be so harsh ,understand our pain.

Oh God! My keyboard has stated sweating even …so I’ll stop here  ,and get some fresh air .. drink some chilled water ,relax and cool down.. you may keep loving this summer .

Found…

We were packing our stuff to relocate  to a new apartment..I had to clear all the clutter ,pack the valuables safely and arrange everything in order. It was tough and messy job. .Reluctantly I statred doing ,and took hold of old boxes from the almirah. This box was full of old books,i wiped the dust out and started picking the books , some management books,some banking… some magazine’s and there underneth the corner I saw a diary .Carefully i took it, a certain feeling  happiness  filled my heart  as knew it was my old diary .It had so many memories within ,that diary was my beloved friend,my compamion  of sorrow. I dusted it  ,the soft denim cover which I had wrapped it  was still intact, the glitters still had there shine. As the pages fell in my hand I could feel that pleasant musty smell .I took it and sat near the window I wanted to read it all.

I admired myself for decorating and keeping it so well.  I had kept it there many years back.. still it was well .My handwriting looked so different. My language, my style everything looked different.I read it page by page ,  memories flashed across my eyes. I could still feel the pain i went through ,but the small happy moments which i have noted in that diary made me smile.I have almost forgotten them .It’s so strange we remember the worst ,bad moments and forget the happy times.The diary made me relive and cherish those moments again. I had a strange feeling ,I was happy and sad at the same time .

I went through the pages and found the poems I had written.I think those days my creative mind was on high spirts  .The poems were good ,as if someone else had written them .I could’nt beleive it was me writing them. They sounded mature and good. Proud of my lost skill I went further down the pages.I had scripped  lot of quotations  of renowed people around the world . I don’t remmember why I did so but all were indeed good. I came across the last page ,though there were still empty pages left but this was last written page .I stated to read it .It was a good bye note .

Who was it  I was saying goodbye to? I got blank ,I coul’nt remmember.I read further .It was a good bye note to diary .

Oh silly me. The letter said that” I m not going to write anything further, I m bored of you..”then  some goodies,some tear smaker things and the note ended.

I read it again but still coul’nt find the reason of that uncertain goodbye .Probably I was really bored of diary.Probably I might have found some real interesting people to hang around .

Whatever the reason would have been ,I wish I had not stopped writing.

I should not have left that lovely diary amid the clutter.I regretted my decision once made and decided to fill those empty pages again. To write only those happy moments to remember and cherish in future..GLad that I decided to clear the clutter. Glad that I found my diary

Day 14 : Word Nagging

Dear ,

Please stop nagging me . I know how to do my stuff . If you keep telling me again and again the things i am ought to do and things i don’t do I would rather become defensive . I would prefer not to listen to you . I would shuff off and walk away . I don’t like you nagging me all the time .You make me feel petite and selfish . I feel Suffocated .I am not in considerate ,selfish , insensitive  as you decribe me . I have feelings . I get hurt when you keep taunting me .You all time nagging is making me a worse person , i am intentionally avoiding the things which you tell me to do , because in your eyes i am already a bad person , so i want to show you the  worse.

Please stop nagging me . Please don’t start the same things every day and night . Please understand that when i m unable to do something there might be a reason . I have lots of other things going in my mind . Cant you see i m stressed out . Cant you see  my appetite had reduced  ? Cant you see the small  grey hair shining over my head?? I m aging dear . I cant handle everything as i did before . I get tired . There is lot of work in office , and the kids are growing up , they keep me busy as well. I don’t get time dear . I am too occupied . I forget things  .I love you and want to do things as before but i m not able to do it .

Please understand dear . Please stop nagging me.

The [open] Letter to my Father that he will never read

Really heart touching letter